01/29/06 Reincarnation

I believe in reincarnation for a number of reasons, but one that is first and foremost in my mind right now is that I want to see something I can't. I mean physically can't. Do you remember those optical illusions that were so popular back in the '90's? You stare at this mulitcolored picture and if you unfocused your eyes and looked kind of through it you could see the picture hidden underneath? Okay, not those of you who are blind, of course you can't, and those of you who are too young to remember them, but most of you know the ones I mean. I stood in front of one for over an hour once at a party, trying to see it, and Lou walkd past after having let me stand there all that time and said, "You know, it takes both eyes to be able to see the picture," and then she moved on. Perspective. And since the vision is gone in the middle of one eye, I'll never see what's behind those pictures. I was told it was no big deal, the art wasn't that good, but that isn't the point. The point is that it was a fad I was curious about and couldn't participate in.

Another thing I'd like to try but can't is Lasik surgery. I honestly don't remember what it was like to wake up in the morning or from a nap and be able to see clearly. Not have to grope for glasses or contact, not to have that moment of sheer panic when you can't find your "eyes". But since my vision is permanently compromised in that eye, no one will ever touch my mostly good eye to make it better, and quite frankly, I'm okay with that since I don't want anything to happen to it so that's not a risk I'm willing to take even if someone would do it. Still it would be nice to wake up and look at the clock without said clock being an inch away from my nose.

Now I know these are small and petty things, but I think my point here is that for as much as I want to see what the picture is behind the colors - because I love clever little things like that - and for as long as it has nagged at me that I can't, how much more haunting must it be for someone who's never seen anything? For someone who's never heard music? For all the people who have big handicaps, much bigger than mine, who want for that one moment to say, "Yeah, okay, now I can see/hear/smell/taste/touch/understand it." So I do believe in reincarnation because I love the idea of celestial do-overs until we get it right. I admit I could be wrong, and my belief is simply founded in the idea that believing this makes me happy, but I believe anyway.